“Erika!”
I looked up from the swing to see Mom standing in the back door, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She must have started dinner. How long had I been out here?
“I need some milk. Can you run to the store?”
“Yeah.” I unfolded myself out of the tire with practiced ease. “Can I change first?” I still wore the skirt and blouse required by my school’s dress code.
“Yes. Get money out of my purse while you’re upstairs.”
By the time I reached the door, she’d already gone back into the kitchen. Mom knew how each of her children coped. She’d be spending extra time with Emma, and she’d leave me alone for a while. Emma needed someone there to cry and talk things over with. I needed time to think. I did not like to talk about things.
Emma was asleep on my bed when I got to my room. She looked younger than twelve with her curls surrounding her head in a halo. I quietly changed into jeans and a t-shirt. I glanced at her once more and sighed. Sharing a room with Emma was going to be an experience. I wanted to protest it, but I felt guilty even thinking about it when Mom had such a weighty burden on her shoulders already.
Perhaps there was a solution I could come up with myself. It would give me something else to think about anyway.
I got five dollars out of Mom’s purse and was headed downstairs when I heard eight-month-old Gio start crying. That meant Cashel and Enid would be waking up too. I hurried my steps wanting to be far away when Enid surfaced. I didn’t think I could face her. Would she want to talk about it? I didn’t even know. I just knew I had no desire to discuss it with her.
I grabbed the keys off the table in the foyer and was out to the car before anyone could stop me.
I’d only had my license for a few months, but I’d proved to be a good driver—Dad said thank goodness one of his children took after him. I’d been scared to learn at first because Enid and Elton had told me stories of Dad freaking out and yelling at them that they were going to crash and they could not drive that way if they expected to live past their twentieth birthdays. I had driven a few times in driver’s ed at school before Dad took me out. I didn’t have time to be nervous—Dad was patient and sweet and encouraging. Elton and Enid insisted they hadn’t been lying, that I was just Dad’s favorite. Dad said it was because I drove right and didn’t need to be yelled at.
I put in my favorite Andrews Sisters CD, but I didn’t sing along like I usually did. I couldn’t seem to concentrate enough. My thoughts drifted to Smith but I quickly mentally retreated into another direction. I occupied myself trying to think of a solution to having to share a room with Emma.
The drive to Kroger was not a long affair—Mom said an important aspect in buying a house is knowing whether there’s a grocery store nearby—and before I’d thought of a solution, I had parked and headed into Kroger. It seemed like I visited this store every day. I’d become the family errand runner since I’d gotten my license.
A blast of cold air tossed my hair around my face as I walked through the automatic doors. I made a bee-line for the dairy section. I knew the fastest way there—take a left through produce and keep going until you hit the canned foods aisle, straight down there would take you directly to the milk.
This was my usual route and I was taking it. I got to the canned food aisle, turned, and stopped as fast as if there’d been a huge red light hanging right in front of my face.
But it wasn’t a red light right in front of me; it was Smith, the one person I hadn’t let myself think about yet.
He looked just as shocked and confused as I felt. He wore his usual after work attire of jeans and an un-tucked polo shirt. His black hair was messy as usual, and he looked just like the Smith I’d always adored, until I saw his face. His face—especially his eyes—held tremendous sadness.
The urge to run and the urge to stay battled inside me. We must have stood there staring at each other for thirty seconds.
“Hey, Rik,” he said, finally.
I threw my arms around him, catching him completely off guard. By the time he had recovered enough to return my hug, I was gone. I practically jogged toward the milk, not looking back once. I grabbed a gallon of two percent and took a different route to the cash register.
I made it back to the car without running into him again. I sat in the driver’s seat, shivering with adrenaline. Tears fought to come, but I wouldn’t let them. I started the car and pulled out of my parking space. When I got to the road, I turned the opposite way from home. I couldn’t face my family with all these emotions churning inside me. I needed to drive for a while.
I thought about the first time I’d met Smith. It hadn’t been as Enid’s boyfriend—it had been before they even started dating. I’d been a shy, third-grade girl. Everyone knew Enid, Elton, and Emma Young—even though Emma was only in K-4 at the time—but nobody believed that quiet little Erika could be related to them. They were so loud, so funny and friendly, and I was just—there. Smith had been a senior in high school and was a teacher’s assistant in my class during his free hours.
Mr. Wilcox, as we had to call him, was tall and good-looking and all the girls in the class fell in love with him at once—one thing we had in common with the high school girls. I hadn’t told anyone, but I’d fallen in love with him too. To my disappointment, I didn’t struggle in any of my subjects so I had no need of his help. But one day, after class, he stopped me.
“Are you Enid and Elton’s sister?” he asked.
I nodded, unable to look directly into his kind brown eyes.
“They talk about you a lot,” he said. “You look like Enid.”
I stared at him in unbelief—Enid was beautiful!
“They call you Riki, though, that’s why I didn’t realize at first,” he continued. “Can I call you Riki?”
“Uh—yeah,” I said. No one had ever asked me before. I actually preferred to be called Erika, but, hey, this fellow could call me Dumbhead if he really wanted to.
“Cool.” He leaned close to me conspiratorially. “You can call me Smith, okay?”
I stared at this gorgeous high school senior and was unable to reply. He just smiled and turned back to his work with a, “See ya’ tomorrow, Riki.”
The girls from class mobbed me before I could get to my bus. What had he wanted? What did he say? Why was he whispering to me, Erika Young, of all people? I told them he knew my brother and sister. I didn’t tell them I could call him Smith; that was my secret. Suddenly I had a lot more friends.
For the rest of the time Smith was in our class, he talked to me every day. He always took the time to congratulate me on a good grade or to ask me about something going on in my life.
“So I heard you lost a tooth,” he stopped by my desk one day to comment. I didn’t answer—I merely grinned, showing him the space where my new tooth would grow.
“Elton said you let him pull it with his remote control car,” he said.
I nodded. I went along with anything Elton wanted to do—unless Enid objected. But we’d all thought this idea was a cool one.
“Brave girl,” he chuckled. “Wish I had a sister like you.”
I’d beamed like never before. Smith Wilcox wished he had a sister like me. I couldn’t believe it.
Smith began to hang out with Elton and Enid more and more. He started coming to our house every once in awhile, and before we knew it, he was practically part of the family. He kept talking to me, and, after much perseverance on his part, I began to talk back. He was the only person who ever came to talk to me when I was on the tire swing. Everyone else knew I preferred to be alone, but I actually welcomed Smith’s company.
“What’s bugging you, kid?” he asked one day when I was eleven. He was now a junior in college, and he and Enid were getting ready to get married.
“Nuthin’ really,” I said. My standard answer.
“Don’t give me that,” he scolded. He grabbed the rope of the swing to hold me still and planted his face inches from mine. I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re—you’re marrying Enid and—and we’re not gonna be friends anymore,” I stammered. I was never good at admitting what I was really thinking, and nobody else bothered to make me do it.
“What?” he cried incredulously. “We’re going to be better friends than we ever were. Ya’ know why?”
I shook my head.
“’Cause you’re gonna be my sister, that’s why. I’ve always wanted a sister just like you, Riki.”
I remembered that day so well. The swell of happiness that rose in my chest when he said that. Oh! Why had I let myself remember it?
I pulled into the next parking lot not even seeing what store it was, and leaned my forehead on the wheel. I could no longer keep the tears from coming. They poured down my cheeks as if they would never stop.
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